3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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