I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
