Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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