remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
