Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He called his prostate his "boner button".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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