In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
