were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
