so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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