I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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