I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
