My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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