So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
