I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
