Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
