I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
