Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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