Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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