My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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