Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
