I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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