bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
