It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
