"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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