Dual....:-)
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
