I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The air was thick with penises
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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