in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
