sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
