complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
