Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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