help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
