I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
