I've blown a few things in my day
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
