Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
