im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
