hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
