my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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