New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
