I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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