This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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