We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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