Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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