I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
