That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
