fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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