We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
