Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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