i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
