Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
