Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
