I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
